Do we really know how to be compassionate?

Being compassionate; it is one of the many beautiful human qualities I aspire to be and try to use as a daily practice. To me it means to listen with all my being to someone who is sharing verbally their emotions, their stories. It can also mean to be present to witness their emotions showing up on a physical level, whatever that might look like. They might be feeling pain, sadness, anger. I try to be there with them as they hurt, cry, scream...

I always thought I was pretty good at it, until I realized I sometimes was being compassionate but only partially. Not in a voluntary way of course but I guess I was missing a piece in my practice and it is a big piece. I learned I need to erase myself from the process on a personal level. What do I mean by that? Have you ever gone to someone while you were not feeling well just to share, vent, and let it all out? and while you were there being vulnerable the other person just chips in "oh I understand! I remember when (...) happened to me and I was feeling so (...)" and then they either go on with their story or keep listening to you but later interrupts again or while you are sobbing throws in another example from their life? I think we have probably all done that.  I know I have done it many times thinking I was showing support, thinking it was helping to let them know they were not alone feeling that way. But true compassion means you hold space for that person and take your feelings, your examples, "you" out of it and leave the floor to them. 

I experienced and noticed the difference when I started working with some wonderful people through my healing journey. For example my amazing psychotherapist (see contact info below).  I remember a session, during the early stages of my healing, in whichI was spilling my guts out, crying, talking, feeling a deep emotional pain. She was calm, just listening, letting me get it all out, no interruptions, no advice. Once I was done I realized the silence...I realized that what she had given me was exactly what I needed. She was fully there with me and for me, mind, body and soul. Holding loving space with no judgment of her own. I find these are the most healing moments for me. All of a sudden, in the aftermath of allowing myself to feel, my body starts to process by using that energy, that love...it starts healing itself. The body knows what to do. It just needs the right conditions, the right energy and space. 

This was the key piece missing from my being able to fully practice compassion for others. I have noticed the difference when practicing this skill with anyone pouring their soul out to me. They actually are not used to it! And what I mean by that is they are not used to someone just being there, quiet and listening. I had a few people stop in the middle of their outburst and ask me "is everything ok?" They were waiting for me to interrupt, to give them advice or just chime in at some point. And I simply respond "I am just listening, I am here for you" and then they go back to expressing themselves knowing it is safe and I am here...all of me...just for them.

I encourage you to try this.  See if you notice a difference in them or in yourself. See if you can catch yourself in that moment when all of a sudden you get in your head and either judge, think of some piece of advice, or start looking for an example from your own life and want to chime in.  I would love to hear about your experience in bringing all aspects of compassion into your life.

May your healing move you with ease and grace wherever you are in your journey...

Marie-Helene 

* I take this opportunity to share with you the info of my wonderful psychotherapist. Her name is Susan Prosser and you can find her at 
The Adlerian Counselling and Consulting Group in Ottawa 
adleriancentre.com/our-team/susan-prosser/

Opportunities are everywhere

I was going to make the blog about compassion this week...and then I did not write it. I was guided to wait. I did not question and went along with the guidance. I woke this morning and understood why "my plan" was not "the plan". It often is that way in life.

Don't worry; this is not about politics but it is definitely what instigated the suggestions and invitations I want to share with you. Many today are afraid, sad, angry and disappointed in light of the results of the American election. You have a right to feel the way you do. Everyone is entitled to their feelings and I invite you to feel them to the fullest...be with that anger, let the tears flow down your cheeks, feel it all as this is information your body is giving you, valuable information that should not be denied but felt and processed...and then when you are ready... stand up, get up.

As I mentioned in my first blog "the hardest year of my life is in disguise the best catapult and catalyst for me to step and align with my life purpose and strip away layer by layer the untruths". So my invitation to you is, when you feel ready, to be curious and entertain the idea that what has happened is an opportunity. There is HUGE potential for everyone. Opportunities of growth and healing on a personal level as well as for the entire world. This can be the catalyst the world needed for the changes that we want. This can be the catalyst to shed layers and layers of untruths that you will find underneath fear. This could be an opportunity for unity with love as it's leader. I know it can be hard right now for many to even think at it from that point of view and it might mean you have to be patient, kind, and compassionate with yourself. In time it might be easier to consider all of this from that perspective.

Many of you, I am sure, can recall a time or an event in your life or the life of someone else. A time that was just so difficult, so hard, unbearable even. But eventually you noticed how much positive came out of it...the growth and teachings were invaluable. It is not what you might have wanted but looking back you are now thankful for how it unfolded and what it brought you.

Once you are back on your feet...put your hand on your heart... and let it guide you, let it be your compass moment to moment. You don't need to figure it all out now. Just breathe, stay centred, and most of all, don't get distracted. 

Believe me there will be plenty of distractions and they will show up in your life in all ways. Stay the course and stay focussed. Only if you allow it will you be powerless.  Nobody; no woman or man can take your inner peace, power, or inner truth. Stay in your truth, it might not be easy and you might need to remake that choice more than once to come back to that truth of yours. And you know what? that's ok...just gently bring yourself back to it without judgement.

May your healing move you with ease and grace wherever you are in your journey...

Marie-Helene 

I am acceleration in slow motion

There are so many lessons I have learned and continue to discover from my ongoing healing process of this past year. There is one in particular I keep being reminded of especially recently as I improve from week to week; the power of going through life slowly. See, I was raised and conditioned by family and society that working, moving, doing things faster is great because faster meant I could produce more and if I could produce more I would BE more...

When I was going through my darkest period I wanted it to be over with. I knew there were lessons to be learned, that I would grow from it and it was all meant to be this way...but let's be real, truly...all I wanted was for the suffering to be over, the lessons to be learned and processed RIGHT NOW! I needed and wanted to heal FASTER because, well, faster was better right? That is what I had learned.

I spent months and months like this (and still feel the push on harder days). Life had forced me to slow down...I had no more physical strength and as a fitness instructor I kept seeing my strength leave my body, I kept losing weight that I did not want to lose. Psychologically and emotionally I could not function anymore. Everything was a trigger for OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder). There are many ways OCD can manifest and mine was manifesting in the form of intrusive thoughts. I could not watch TV anymore, I could not read anymore, I was unable to be in public. During car rides I was only watching my feet because if I looked out the windows I would get triggered. Spiritually I was unable to connect with my dear intuition and hear the loving guidance of my soul. Everything was stripped away from me...leaving me with what seemed like nothing. I was only able to live minute to minute, moment to moment. I was unable to plan how I would be or what I would do in the next half hour; let alone trying to plan the next day, next week, next month. 

As I mentioned I was left with what seemed like nothing...but truly I was given a gift. The gift of experiencing what living in the moment felt like...truly there was no other way for me to be. When I started to work from that place and accept it (believe me that did not go over well all the time) I started to see improvements...small but HUGE all at once. For example; the fact that I could start staying home all by myself for an hour without my husband being at home with me was a reason to celebrate! For months he moved his office to our home so he could be with me (yes he is an incredible husband!). I even remember the first time I truly laughed after months and months of not doing so...it actually startled me.

The more I slowed down the faster I was healing. During a session with my CODE Model Coach™ , Kae Roberts, (credit to Louise Lebrun and WEL-Systems Institute as the creators of CODE Model Coaching™) I was given the suggestion of an affirmation and if it spoke to me and felt right to use it in my everyday life as a reminder. She said "write this down; I AM ACCELERATION IN SLOW MOTION". I had to take a moment to realize how much this was resonating with me and how profound the discovery of this affirmation felt in my being. This gave me an indication of where I was in my journey and the progress I had made.

The more I slowed down the more I noticed the important things in life. All of my psychic abilities started to kick back in, I could hear, see, feel and know my intuitions' guidance, my angels' guidance (now I've got you wondering right? what??? she can hear, see, feel and know what??? yeah that will be for another blog lol). I was noticing the important markers that would help me make the best choices for my life. I had pin-pointed a false belief that had been well conditioned and anchored in my body at a cellular level which brings me back to the beginning...working, moving, being faster no longer meant I would be more...there was never a need for me to be more...all I need is to BE. I can't rush my healing and I can't rush life. 

May your healing move you with ease and grace wherever you are in your journey...

Marie-Helene